La La Land, a generally inoffensive musical romp that dared to get produced in the era of Marvel franchises; Moonlight, a black gay man’s maturation told in three acts, replete with Janelle Monae making a bed; and Manchester by the Sea, that serious film starring Ben Affleck’s little brother—what do these films have in common?
They’re all nominees for Best Picture at the 89th Academy Awards. And if you’re not aware of exactly who won which Oscar at the precise moment it’s announced, then you, my friend, are not a true connoisseur.
However, if you’re the modern sort who lacks access to a TV broadcast of the Oscars, you may feel miffed. How, you ask yourself, will I ever prove my worth as a true film aesthete?
Hollywood VPN: The 2017 Oscars as they should be
In the old days, people had to crowd around the living room with their smelly siblings and bickering parents to watch Meryl Streep give her umpteenth Best Actress acceptance speech. No longer.
This year, free live streaming from ABC means you can watch the Oscars online from your bedroom, the bus, or even a tropical beach. And with nine VPN server locations in the United States, ExpressVPN is the perfect way to secure your live stream.
It only takes five steps:
- Sign up for an ExpressVPN subscription.
- Download the ExpressVPN app on whatever device you plan to stream the Oscars.
- Connect to the U.S. ExpressVPN server location that is closest to you.
- Visit oscar.go.com/live to stream the Oscars for free.
- Grab your popcorn and get ready to critique Anne Hathaway’s dress!
ExpressVPN’s Academy Awards predictions
This being the internet, one cannot talk about the Oscars without trying to glean the future. Here are some predictions from yours truly, in no particular order:
- Someone will make an offensive joke during the first thirty minutes that will lead to an apology tweet before the evening is over.
- Host Jimmy Kimmel will try to make a Beyoncé reference, only for Queen Bey to show up herself and relieve him of his hosting duties.
- Someone will complain about how La La Land got two songs nominated in the Music (Original Song) category, yet La La Land will still lose.
- Emma Stone will capture hearts and minds by appearing onscreen as herself.
- Meanwhile, Ryan Gosling will not appear as himself, but rather as the swan of Björk dress fame.
- Disney will lose to itself in the Animated Feature Film category.
- Nicole Kidman will say something wise and Australian.
- Viggo Mortensen will say something confusing.
- 2016 Oscar winner Leonardo DiCaprio will bring the bear from The Revenant as his date.
- Only five people will have actually watched the nominated short films.
- When Moonlight is snubbed for all the awards it rightfully deserves, super fan Julia Roberts will shock the entire world by vowing never to smile again.
- You’ll be wonderfully smart and watch the Oscars with a VPN.
And the Oscar goes to…
Will these things actually happen? Who knows. In the meantime, feel free to share your two cents in the comments below. Come on, you know you have an opinion about Jeff Bridges’ sunglasses ;).
Images: Wikimedia Commons